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You’re in the pits of darkness
Surrounded by unfathomable gloom
With every beat, your heart aches
Warning you of impending doom

They say repentance is what you need now
It’ll retreat you from your darkness
You need to put on your gratitude cap
Your daemons ought to be on harness

Sometimes, though, gratitude doesn’t come easy
When everything is crumbling down
And your heart’s been buried for far too long
It’s been an aeon of no rain or Sun

Reviving it would be tedious, you think
And you’d rather not take the leap
Your desolate heart can’t take rejection
You might as well just leave it asleep

And you humbly question
‘Why is it me? Why only me?
Going through all of this
Left to suffer in stygian abyss’
‘There’s no one here to salvage me
No one who cares to see, or understand me
Have you, too, abandoned me, dear God?
Have you, too, forsaken me?’

Your heart, overflowing with struggles
Dispiriting griefs & treacherous let-downs
Laughter turned into age-long frowns
You never thought God would let you down

But here you are now…
All alone – is He listening?
All the sins that you’ve committed
You’ve been reminiscing
You’ve sought forgiveness before
But is He even forgiving?
Why does He keep letting you down?
Why does He keep
P U N I S H I N G ?

You’re the only one left here waiting
When everyone else has found their forte
In every delay, there’s khair; they said
To be honest, you never quite felt it that way

But, in time, the curtains will fall
The bigger picture will be uncased
The scattered pieces of your life’s puzzle
Will gradually settle in their place

His plans for you are larger than life
Perhaps He’s strengthening you for your role
Perhaps you’re meant to climb great altitudes
But all you’re doing is racing to The Inferno

Is He even punishing you, now?
Is it He who has let you down?
Or is it the other way around?
Is it the other way around..?
Is it you who’s been letting Him down?

What if He’s been rescuing you all along?
Tripping you over facedown
Rendering you disorientated
Just so you turn around

Turn to hear Him as He incessantly calls you
To save you from your daemons
Just the way your mom would beshield you
If you tried to run into flames

If you liberate your mind, let it realise
Your struggles are, in fact, blessings in disguise
That’s when you will fall headlong in sujood
Overwhelmed with gratitude.

Just a notepad warrior smearing her notions on paper.


  1. Jawaad Khan Reply

    MashaAllah — insightful take, through the thoughts of one in distress, leading to a beautiful conclusion — sometimes we all need to hear something like this to remind us we’re not the only one feeling these things.

    thank you for sharing

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